I’m coping, but I can’t say it’s pretty

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When Cortney White shared this photo I was a little annoyed. In what world would I ever want to use an “ugly cry” picture. 😑January was so naive.
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Joking aside. This week has been hard. Part of me hoped that if we shared enough memes, or found the perfect TikTok dance, the mood would stay light. We would make it through with mediocre social distancing, and come out the other side mostly unscathed. I deluded myself, and this week it’s sunk in. As my dad has been saying… this isn’t one blizzard, we are in it for the winter.
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They announced that the Olympics are postponed for a year. At this moment all the focus needs to be on fighting the virus spread. I know that. But I wasn’t exactly stoic in my processing.

After the indoor track season, I started mapping out the 16 weeks until the Olympic Trials. I was grateful and excited, even joyous. After a long period of work, and near misses and mistakes, I had grown and incorporated new knowledge. I was healthy, having the time of my life, and the training of my life. I love that process of betterment. And I couldn’t wait to see what it might become. Of course, all the parts are still there. It’s just the schedule has changed.

But I’ve also known for a while that this would be my final Olympiad. I looked forward to exploring what it would mean to transition to a different career. And I’m not sure how the Olympics pushing back is going to affect that timing.

Top it off with all the financial unknowns. For an athlete, that looks like uncertainty with what this means for revenue streams, and if there will be opportunities to race, which impact exposure, sponsorships, and rankings.

I realize there are a lot of people in really tough situations. And public health is at risk, and the number one priority. I don’t mean this post to discount any of that.

I guess I’m just reaching out to the people who are scared or uncertain – about job security or finances; or dreams deferred, plans put on hold; health, safety, identity. I don’t know how to wrap up or when this will get better. I know connection matters. Even if it’s a connection over a million personal heartbreaks.


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I still don’t know why it happened that way. I do know that life can go awry at any time for any reason. Or for no reason at all. Nothing is deserved. All we can do is make the most of opportunities to create meaning. When a door opens you recognize , and you bust through. And then you continue to work like hell.

I wrote that reflecting on my experience at the 2016 Olympic Trials. Back in early January, before Covid-19 was on anyone’s mind.

“I do know that life can go awry at any time for any reason. Or for no reason at all. Nothing is deserved.” Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so fucking psychic. 😏

The IOC announced they will have a decision on the fate and timing of the Tokyo Olympics in four weeks. There’s a lot up in the air right now. But the directives don’t really change.

All we can do is make the most of opportunities to create meaning. ✅
Continue to work like hell. ✅
Be ready for that opening. ✅

This painting is by the talented @gmilanesi I can’t find the original photographer.


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Patience is defined in Sanskrit not as waiting but as knowing the outcome. And when you know the outcome, you are very methodical, you’re very intentional, you’re very purposeful. – Guru Singh

I pinned this quote originally in regards to summer races. Of course, the meaning changes a bit in light of COVID-19 preparations. Clearly not all outcomes are knowable. But if the only constant is change, we can prepare for that. And those of us being told to wait can do so. And we can support those people in essential jobs and vulnerable populations. And we can come back stronger for it.
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I don’t know if I got this from @mollyhuddle or @richroll or both. Photo from @cortneywhite_

Boston 1000 and Pacing AR

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3000 – Paced 2k at 5:40. 1000 – Place: 1st, Time: 2:35 (PR)

Racing is fun, cheering is also fun. I paced Karissa, Shelby, and Colleen to new personal bests, and Karissa took the win for a new American Record in the 3000m. Top that with the Olympic marathon trials today, I’m emotional and inspired and the weekend isn’t even over yet.

Here’s the 3000.

And this is the 1k I ran the next day.
Photo @talbotcox